Welcome to Coft

So here we are again, me and some of the people who’ve helped me travel through this journey that we call life. The compassionate souls who share with me suggestions and tools to help improve my life.  We are seated in a group circle in a room within my mind.  Although I met each of them at different intersections of time, they are still with me today.  There’s Amelia, my speech therapist who helped me conquer my speech impediment.  Also, in the room from my left to right are my other therapists Albert, Mechelle and Jessie: two of my counselors Nyla, and Tina next to them is my psychiatrist, Frank. Then Patricia my doctor, and finally my ministers, friends and self-help group members.  They are assigned by God to be of positive influence whenever needed.  I still hear their words and voices reverberating in my head today.  I don't ever want to forget their words.    
    Albert my employee assistance counselor is speaking, he says listen Paul, to help relieve everyday stress and strain of life: just name it, claim it and dump it. For example, name the issue, claim it by validating how and why it affects you, then dump it by expressing in a constructive way like sharing it with a trusting source or by writing it down. Jessie a counselor said keep removing toxic and negative vibes from inner space. Also, to not waste time on looking at your problems but focus on processes to get solutions.  My speech therapist constantly reminds me to slow down, relax and enunciate each syllable of every word in a sentence correctly.  She helped to transfer me into the non-stop and sometimes irritating talker that I am today (smile). Nyla advised me to strive for calmness and peace within to negate the hectic pace of the outside world and try not to overreact to anything.  Tina stated that when people strongly disagree on anything that it may help by accepting that it's okay to agree to disagree amicably.

     Mechelle sat quietly occasionally adjusting her glasses with her head down but listening intently while i spilled my guts out. She never said much but was full of compassion, knowledge and integrity from the faded red color on her tennis shoes up to the top of each strand of her greying hair.  I've always been more forthright and comfortable with her.

     The psychiatrist said that i suffered from depression but sadly i sensed It.  Why did i need his second opinion?  Some may say that i must be crazy for receiving all this help.  But I say that it would be crazy for me to not accept it.  Albert helps me with more than stress and time management, He is my confidant.  My friends give me support, my haters give me humility.  The recovering alcoholics who wish to remain anonymous shows me that anything is possible and that we are only as sick as our secrets.  Those of us who suffer from any issue, malady or hardship are not alone nor do they have to suffer alone.  My biggest challenge in life is cleaning out my stinking thinking.  Patricia my doctor helps me medically and emotionally with concepts of wellness.  I admire my doctor for her knowledge and professionalism and also because she didn't break out laughing when she examined me with my pants down.  My psychiatrist continued by suggesting that i may be suffering from panic attacks.  I was afraid of hearing that. I suggested that he should leave and skip the next few reunions.  He never tells me what i want to hear.  He replied that I may be experiencing an anxiety attack now. I became anxious for him to leave.  Mechelle remained silent.  Jessie asked what are some of the tools that are available to use to help me deal with anxiety and depression episodes?  I replied that i stay alert and cognizant for the earliest signs of deviations of my emotions, then i accept the realities of what may be happening to me then I'm prepared to surf the waves of emotions and thoughts all the way through completion like a surfer.

     The recovering alcoholics who wish to remain anonymous suggested that i realize the negative consequences of denial and to be honest with myself.  My ministers help me spiritually to feel voids in my life with hope and truth.  Rehab has a cardboard tool with a range of words to help discern our feeling's it's called the wheel of emotions.  They also helped with structuring my life and the realization that progress is a process.  Nyla reminded everyone to not be stuck on the symptom's but seek the roots of the issues. Patricia stated that it wastes energy being negative, but positivity stimulates good vibes.  Albert stated that many people have unresolved childhood issues, a chemical imbalance or some kind of subconscious dilemma.  Tina said that whatever the reason to seek help is always a good reason. Then Jessie turned to me and said have acceptance it is what it is and that's okay. We can overcome obstacles in our lives, and we must play the hand we are dealt with.  All of us stood up and shouted no dread. no regrets, no problem.  It is an enlightening process learning how to achieve a more peaceful and fulfilling life and more challenging to maintain it.  

     Thank you, therapist, counselors, support groups and health care workers.  Thanks to all of you, who share your time and talents with all of us who needs and accepts your help.  Be well!  They ended the session by telling me not to let anyone nor anything knock me off my square.  It took me a moment to grasp what they meant.  I finally realized that it means that I'm blessed with joy, peace of mind and hope. But it is on me to control and keep it.

     I turned and asked Mechelle does she think I could ever have a normal life?  She set down her pen and paper, looked up into my eyes, smiled and replied "Paul, you had to suffer the death of both your parents separately as a teenager, your grade schoolteacher molested you: you were homeless because y'all's house burned down while still young and endured a bunch of other crap including substance abuse. Nevertheless, you try to be open and honest and you're still here.  No more shame, guilt remorse or regrets.:  you're gaining perspective and acceptance.  Then she said, "Normalcy is an illusion: the only normal thing in life is change".  Okay Paul. see you next session!